An "All Seriousness" Aside

Normally I try to be witty in these posts. But, today I'm writing straight from the heart  about a subject that weighs heavily on it, namely - what will become of my Critters?

Hubby and I have raised (are still raising) a houseful of talented, outgoing, caring, bright and enthusiastic young people. People compliment us all the time on our great kids, to which I reply, "Thanks! I like them too!"

Only, sometimes I don't.

WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY!!!!! Yeah, but real. And if you really admit it, you've felt the same way about yours occasionally too. It's okay. They feel that way about us parents more often than we'd like to think they do, and it doesn't change how much we love them, right?

Sometimes, I get so frustrated that I just want to throw my hands up, throw in the towel, THROW ANYTHING! It usually happens when they are acting like, well... kids, and not the mature and wonderful people everyone thinks they are. Funny how their childish actions make me want to act childish too. Like yesterday, when I finally did throw something and shook up the entire household. (The clatter from the handful of silverware I was getting out to set the dinner table with as they fell forcefully back into the drawer was extremely satisfying!) I didn't stay around to see the effect it had, but stormed out of the house in bare feet and headed down the driveway to cool off.

The Critter who added the last straw wasn't most to blame for my overload, but the one who was, was oblivious. So really, all my little tantrum did was set a bad example. And therein lies the rub. Hubby and I work hard to set a good example for the Critters to follow. For him it comes naturally, but I have to overcome a plenitude of natural inclinations to be the kind of person I hope they will become. When they display those same natural tendencies, I worry. I recognize negative behavior when I see it because I've been there, still am there, fighting it tooth and nail. I want them to be more like Hubby, and less like their Momster. Not that I don't like myself, mind you: Narcissism is one of those natural inclinations I was just mentioning. But it's harder to overcome bad habits than avoid developing them in the first place.

One of the Critters (I won't mention names, but he just graduated) started his first real job yesterday, and already he's moaning about it. After one day! I've seen this kid spend countless hours writing a paper or memorizing a script, skipping meals and working on stage till he could barely stand, holding doors for people, donating blood, serving on the altar at Mass ---- he's a good kid, and hardworking when he wants to be (though sometimes I wish he'd never been introduced to video gaming). I am immensely proud of his many accomplishments. But he has a poor me attitude about having to work hard this summer before college, and I just don't get it! His dad works two, sometimes three jobs. On top of my writing and everything else I do around here as mother of five, I went back to work when Firstborn started college to help pay the bills. She's working three jobs herself. None of us prefer to bust our butts like we do, but we do it because we need to. This Critter knew he would have to help pay for college, yet it was Hubby and I who tracked down job leads for him since he had "other priorities". It's not our fault he turned down the cushy camp councilor job since it would mean not seeing the girlfriend, or didn't keep pursuing the golf course grounds-keeping position, or show a little more enthusiasm for waiting tables.

Sometimes you just do what you gotta do.

I wish that I could just hand him the money for college, but then again, maybe I don't. Where's the lesson in that? Entitlement attitudes abound today, and wouldn't that just play into it?

There is a lack in my parenting skills that is becoming increasing evident: I hate to see my kids suffer. I rescue them time and time again, and then I resent it. This time I want to stand firm, make him tough it out and build character. But I also want him to just stop whining.

Maybe I should set the example.

Not a Party Animal

My last two attempts at hosting a party were unqualified disasters. You've read about one in this blog, or if you haven't, you should (check out "What a fUn-Party"). But actually, I misspoke when describing that event since at least it was one. Last weekend was the party that really wasn't.

Now, before you go thinking that I'm just a lousy and/or boring hostess, let me chime in. I have hosted great parties before! Not the falling down drunk, going home with strangers kind, but good ol' family get-togethers filled with good food, fantastic conversation and lots of fun. Granted, I'm not known for my spontaneity, so when I entertain it's a well thought out, preplanned and stressed-over event that usually leaves me exhausted and in need of a glass of wine or two at a more casual gathering hosted by someone else. Because of this, I generally wait for a BIG EVENT to invite folks over.

 But, back to last weekend.... I was supposed to host a Pampered Chef party. As a foodie, I just love the product line even though the only items I'd ever owned were gifts from someone else. Recently though, I'd attended a friend's PC party and splurged on my own early Mother's Day gift - a spiffy new ceramic omelet pan. That got me thinking about how sweet it would be to have a whole set of cookware that wasn't pieced together from grocery store incentive programs and rummage sales, or add worn Teflon to my family's diet. The only way I'd ever be able to do that was to earn free stuff. So, despite the fact that the whole premise of marketing parties makes me a little queasy for a variety of reasons, I thought I'd give it a go.

I think God's trying to tell me to stick to birthdays and graduations.....

Out of almost 60 invited guests (they tell you to over-invite - same logic airlines use with booking) only two good friends told me they were definitely coming. And since one of them was the hostess at the party I had just attended, and the other a guest, it was looking more like a pity-party. Now, I'm not begrudging anyone the extremely important other events already cluttering their weekend plans ---- I had several other things going on myself, including a daughter's dance recital that I was informed of only two days prior. And I'm not saying that anyone should have tried harder to squeeze my party in - no guilt trips coming from this direction! But I am saying that when I pick 'em, I really pick em! This was the second date in as many parties that just was a lousy fit for everyone.

So, I cancelled. And then I got to thinking.... the reason I enjoy having people over is that being with friends feeds the soul. So much of what we do everyday doesn't. And most of that has to do with stuff: earning $ to buy stuff, caring for stuff, losing or breaking stuff, wishing we had more stuff, having too much stuff.

One friend told me after I'd cancelled that she had actually been looking forward to my party, even though she hadn't committed, because she needed a little girl-time. She's the mother of four boys, so it wasn't about stuff for her, but nourishment. And so, as much as I had been hesitant to host "stuff" parties, I guess as long as my intent is focused on the people part of things, even they can feed the need.

 

Here's wishing you all a place at the table.

Marketing Tips for Busy People

My life right now pretty much revolves around the need to strategize the marketing of my book -

 ....that, and what's for dinner.

And getting whoever needs to be wherever they need to be whenever they need to be there.

And laundry - always laundry....

You see, no matter what pulls me into the outside world, what's happening here in my little family universe takes precedence, like it or not. Griper that I am, most of the time I do not. That doesn't mean I don't have my priorities straight, just that that I'm still a work in progress. Like you are too, I imagine. A busy home life is like a centrifuge, spinning uncontrollably, pressing your back against the wall even as it pulls you toward center. The moment you lift your head to look outside the home sphere, it gets slammed back into place. Illness does this, and car repair costs, and even the occasional favorite owl hat lost by your six year old.


Anyhow, despite everything I have to do around here, I have been spending an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out how to get my book "OUT THERE" where it will be noticed. So that it will sell. So that I can help pay for kids' clothing, dental work, college, etcetera. So that I can continue to write without feeling guilty about it...


See what I mean about the centrifuge....?

Here's what I've learned about marketing so far:


1) You gotta do it everyday. Like eating or brushing your teeth. Sure, everyone skips once in a while, but if it's not a habit, bad things happen. Or nothing will happen, which is also bad.
2) Use people. Not in a horrible way, or without their permission. But netWORKING is named that for a reason.
3) Give it away. Seems counter intuitive to someone who is struggling to make ends meet, but there you have it.
4) Write - DUH! Your second book is the best promotion for your first.
5) Get technical. As in, learn about technology and how to use it.  This one is a toughy for an older newbie like me, but I did e-publish shortly after releasing my paperback. Now if only I can master the web....
6) Do your research, and get reviewed. I put these together because knowing the reviewer's style, tastes, and likelihood of giving a positive review matters.


There are a lot of other things I've learned in this process, but since I need to go back to learning more now, I'll leave you with one final tip -

7)Work harder than everyone else. Personally, I have a difficult time justifying time spent without documentable results, but I'm learning that increments of progress vary. Slow and steady really does win the race. Oh, how cliché!


Yes, I'm recycling cartoons again, but you get it don't you? Buy my book (and get your friends to buy it!) and I'll have oh! so much more time to draw again! Available at your favorite bookseller.

Sample or purchase Emrysia: Awakening: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/401473

Web site: http://reademrysia.blogspot.com/

and while you're at it, be sure to visit and like my C.A. Morgan Author Page on Facebook! (See, I'm starting to get the hang of it!)