Horse Sense: Proverbs For theThin Skinned

Motherhood is hard!

                                               

          

Having been at it for nineteen years, counting all of the discomfort and sacrifice that starts with morning sickness, you'd think that I would have toughened up, have developed thicker skin by now. But parenting today is more challenging than ever.

Friends and strangers alike warned me about the miserable teen years to come.... but actually, for the most part I've been pleasantly surprised.  I enjoy having real conversations with my older Critters - conversations meaningful to both of us, not just me listening with half an ear to juvenile ramblings (while feeling inescapably guilty), settling constant disputes or negotiating privileges.  There's still a fair share of that, but at least now it's interspersed with the exchange of ideas and co-conscious analysis, a meeting of similarly developed minds.  That's probably why it hurts so badly to be disrespected and misunderstood.

This morning after "words"with all four of the Big Critters, I retreated to my room to hide. (Nothing like undermining your own authority by being a crybaby! And perimenopause definitely doesn't help on that front.) What started as me giving simple advice had quickly escalated into overbearing demands (me) and retorted excuses (them).  Standing in a corner furiously wiping at weepy eyes, all I could think was "I'm not cut out for this".




Kinda late to figure that one out!




One of my younger sisters once told me that she didn't want to have kids after the age of thirty because she didn't want to be an "old" mother. I was mildly offended considering I was already over the hill by her standards before popping out any of my Critters.  Five blessed events later I've finally figured out that having them at an "advanced maternal age" didn't make me old: Parenting them into adulthood did.....and does.....and will for many, MANY years to come!*  By the time I'm done raising them my AARP card will be an antique!

When they were little, I was The Undisputed Boss, Bearer of the Young!!!  (T.U.B.B.Y. - another gift of motherhood!) And while they did challenge my authority occasionally, they also trusted me to always do what was best for them.  My rules kept them safe, taught them about the world, and helped them grow into healthy, caring and confident young men and women. Sometimes too confident...

With teens comes a yearning for autonomy - on both their part and mine.  I know it's my job to gradually loosen the reigns, but the harder they struggle for control, the more I tend to tighten my grip.  Don't they get that I'd really rather drop the reigns all together?  They perceive any continued guidance as too restrictive, not understanding that the blinders of inexperience hide plenty of deep ditches along the road.  Before I can give them free reign, I need to trust that they are competent to navigate on their own. (Case in point --- Bonus Baby just rewarded me with a big "MY HERO!" hug for rescuing her foot from the crack in the reclining loveseat, then proceeded to bounce again!)  I hope that someday I won't have to remind any of them to respect other people's time, feelings, possessions and space.  They may strain and try to spit out the bit, but they can trust that I'm just as anxious to take off the reigns.... and see them enjoy the freedom of greener pastures.

Till then, I've adopted these proverbs to help keep me in the driver's seat... and them from upsetting the cart:

...and so on, and so on, and so on.



Obviously there's a lot of overlap here.  I could write a book, but...



..... a Greater Mind already has.




*To give credit where it's due, the Critters are also keeping me young....

...all of them!

                                          And Mom?  Happy Mother's Day - you're my Hero!

NYC

Once in a lifetime.

Even if I go again someday, my first trip to the Big Apple was an event of such epic proportions that I came away from it a totally new girl - pretty impressive since I'm now officially an antique!

But it wasn't so much the big city or crowds, or even the amazing food and art experienced there that made my escape to New York so refreshing.  It was the people I was with.  A family so different, and yet so incredibly similar to my own, that I couldn't help but fall in love with them. I was their fortunate guest, along with Firstborn --- which makes sense since it was El Boyfriend's family.

When they first asked us to join them, we were both more than hesitant.  It's awkward being the"have-nots" mooching off the "haves".  Firstborn and I both tend to feel undeserving of extravagant gifts.  That is not to say we don't enjoy them.... they just make us feel guilty.





But what's a good Catholic without a little guilt, huh?

I actually got over most of my qualms by being the only member of our household not to succumb during what seems to be our yearly major flu epidemic. Nothing like nursing achy, feverish, puking family members for several endless, exhausting days to make you feel like you've earned a vacation. (If you've seen the post about last Lent, well, that was tame by comparison.)

El Boyfriend, who has been on the scene since her sophomore year, worked on convincing Firstborn.  His argument?  Since she couldn't visit Mexico to spend time with his family, this was the next best thing.  Combined with the rationale that if she saw any potential future with him, she should see if she could fit comfortably into his world (logical Momster input), he finally convinced her.


By the time our departure date arrived, we both began the adventure excited and bubbly. El Boyfriend and his sister Princessa, also a boarding student here, traveled with us, and needless to say as I chauffeured, none of the homework that was expected to be done during the ride to the airport was.  I relinquished my role of helicopter mom the moment we got there, becoming instead a gaping tourist.

Not counting a trip to the Midwest when she was still a toddler, this was Firstborn's first flight, but she took it all in stride.  I, on the other hand, was giddy over the Airtrain, subway, and my first ever cab ride, following wherever El Boyfriend led like a puppy on a leash. We met up with the rest of his family at a high-rise hotel overlooking Times Square.  An array of Mexican confections had been laid out in welcome, and we couldn't have been greeted more enthusiastically.... making me realize I 've got a whole lot to learn about hospitality.

We did more in a few short days than I would have ever dreamed possible. And certainly more than Firstborn and I would've been able to do on our own.  But rather than bore you with an endless sightseeing litany, here are a few highlights of the trip....

Oh, the lights! The WIND!
Vaminos!
Liberty Island, missing the boat, and that famous photo wall
Playing at FAO Schwartz
Mmmmm, sushi!
Morning at the MOMA
Margarita's shoe
Bobo
Shopping anyone?
The Barber at the Met
No more photos, please!
Dinner at midnight and more friends
Mass at St. Pat's
Baby, it's cold outside!
Central Park and the Metropolitan Museum
Tearful goodbyes
Lost on the subway

... and here's a poem I began the first evening:

Times Square below,

gracious hosts asleep in the room next door,

I look out upon the

sparkling,

              bustling,

                          sleepless city                                                                                      

simply amazed that I am here.

Me - nearly 50! – living a girlhood dream.  And yet…

how ironic to be dependent on hospitality from south of the border,

 enjoying fruit plucked by foreign hands,

while elsewhere in this great land of opportunity

 my countrymen put guns into the hands of Mexico’s native sons,

and fence Her daughters out.

Tomorrow we will visit a memorial inscribed with names from around the world,

hollows in the ground where once stood Twin Towers,

absence where trade and commerce once unified, a job now left to tragic memory.

We will see Lady Liberty, though our hearts won’t race with the same anticipation

as did the huddled masses’ awaiting America’s embrace. 

We will pose for photos,

hoping that snapshots of Battery Park, New York Harbor, and St. Patrick’s Cathedral

will capture the echo of liberating freedom surrounding us.

We will eat sushi, see an Italian opera,

 view paintings by  Flemish/Spanish/French masters,

each experience highlighted by the easy laughter of friendship- no!- make that sisterhood.

As middle-aged offspring of both North and South

who must return eventually to our respective lives and borders,

let’s linger a while in this American Mecca- this melting pot,

drinking in the sights,

feasting on such pleasant company,

enriched and oh! - so young again.

Everyone expects the "small town girl goes to the big city and discovers there is so much more to life" scenario.  But how often does someone my age, born and bred in the sticks, but living on a mountain by choice, not circumstance, head for the bright lights to get away from it all ---- and come back refreshed and appreciating her rural life anew?

Never, that's when!  People my age head to the hills or the beach to rejuvenate.  We go where the people aren't.  Or if we do go to the city, we stay put.

Guess I'm still a late bloomer.  But you know the saying - "Better late than never!"


To my hosts, I can never thank you enough. Whatever the future holds for Firstborn and El Boyfriend, we will always be friends.....

                               

Post Script - just in case someone is rereading this and notices that I (who speak no Spanish) made the editorial change from Los Boyfriend to El Boyfriend.  Firstborn, who has taken three years of high school Spanish informed me that he might not appreciate being one of a pack.....

Behind On My Game

For those who have been faithfully checking to see if I've posted, thanks for the interest.  As for the rest of you, hey!  Whazza'matta wid you, hmm?
Yeah, I know I'm REALLY behind. It might have something to do with the fact that I'm so often behind the wheel!  Living in the boondocks has it's upsides, but mitigated drive time is not one of them.  We're considering investing in foreign oil companies; we're sure to turn a profit based on Vantana alone!  Last year we spent more in gas than groceries, and that's saying a lot.

SO.... no time to write, and even less to make art, but to keep this post from being totally bland, I'll throw in a few random past pieces.  Just think of it as stock clip art like newspapers use, and you'll get over it.

(This isn't too far past, and it is a little boring - sorry! I'm now working on a touch screen computer, so of course, I had to try finger painting. Don't worry, I'll improve.)



Okay, where was I? Gotta watch those detours, cuz when this train gets off track, there's no telling where it'll end up!



Oh, yeah...

... a few more reasons I'm behind on my game.  I went to New York in February - but since I've already started another post, you'll hear about that later. 

After a slew of appointments and testing, we discovered Sweetie Petite-y has several food allergies, and we've been poisoning her regularly - hence the nasty ezcema. So, now I'm cooking two meals for every one.  Thankfully, the resulting clear skin and improved memory (hers, not mine) have been worth it.  Keep your fingers crossed; we're about to try rotating some of her trouble foods back in.

While we're at it-

Third Child has had a pretty full social calendar, meaning much planning, trips hither and yon, and many hours of debate over....just about everything.  Some of her activities have paid off.  She just won first place at the science fair with her invention of snap-on high heels.  Guess being a fashionista has merit!

Thing One and Thing Two - er, excuse me... FirstBorn and Only Son - have been flat out with theater practices and performances, music practices and performances, and various and sundry extracirruculars.  So busy, in fact, that they sound like parents wondering how time can fly so quickly.  Seems like only yesterday they were teaching Bonus Baby to walk, and last week we went in for her Pre-K visit.

Added to all of this, we adopted a Japanese teen for a week (another upcoming post), which means I went into OCD cleaning overdrive prior to and during his visit, and now I am determined not to become buried under the rubble again! 

Plus, we're trying to ready Only Son  for his own oversea excursion. 

And, of course, there is the college search and scholarship application process.... 

And getting ready for two graduations, a confirmation, a haf-century birthday, Easter, the garden, a new batch of pigs, etc., etc.,etc.,etc.,etc.,etc.,etc.,etc.,etc., and so on and so forth into infinity.

Enough whining already!  Everybody's busy, and very possibly you are behind on your game too.  But here's hoping you have a reflective and peaceful Holy Week, and a very Blessed Easter.  And thanks for your patience.  In the words of Arnold the Mighty - "I'll be baaaack!"