Sunday, June 30, 2013

Stir Crazy

The New England Rain Forest... Betcha didn't even know there was one.

I'm usually not one to complain about the weather...

 ... everything else - yes. But really, why bother ranting about something there's no hope of influencing.  Unlike the Critters, the weather has absolutely, positively no chance at all of ever being swayed by my critical protestations.

Or maybe I should have said like them......

After being cooped inside for days on end, everyone's patience is starting to wear thin - especially mine, since it gets tried and stretched the most already. While the incessant rain provides the perfect excuse for ditching outdoor chores - except for Husband who, though he hates working wet, spent last weekend stringing pig-fence in a downpour - I fail to see why it makes loading the dishwasher or cleaning the basement playroom impossible!

One thing that hasn't suffered from monsoon-itis is Third Child's culinary creativity.  The more it pours, the more lemon poppy seed muffins, chocolate chip cookies and microwave brownie-in-a-mugs remnants I find when I get home from work. If only I could channel her interest into meal preparation instead of just baking!

Bonus Baby would love to be head chef, and is a great "help" in the kitchen.  She loves to stir things up, literally and figuratively, but I just don't think a five year old is ready for that kind of responsibility.

Speaking of stirring, the soup inside my head is in constant whirlpool these days.

I'd like to let things simmer quietly, season with more prayer and less worry, to avoid boiling over. But while I'm a pretty good cook, I'm lousy at following simple recipes. Just ask Hubby and the Critters - I have to doctor everything. And an overactive imagination, while great for a writer,  is often the worst ingredient on a mother's pantry shelf.

The two oldest Critters were 45 minutes late the other night, and I had them lying bloody in a ditch, while I lay sleepless, caught in a continual loop of mental agitation. Third Child complained of sleeping poorly and I envisioned death by sleep apnea. Likewise Bonus Baby --- she often feels breathless when crying, and I see asthma attacks plaguing both of our futures.  And don't get me started on Sweetie Petite-y! If one more thing goes wrong with that child I'm really gonna crack!

I worry about family. I worry about work. I worry about worrying. One of my most worrisome worries right now is that my novel (which I worry no one will like) will never get published because the printer likes it so much he's stolen it to plagiarize and sell under his own nom de plume! Crazy, right?

Yeah, I thought so too. 


Disclaimer: The incoherent ramblings documented here are not, and never shall be, documented proof of  this Momster's instability.  They are, indeed, fictitious ramblings, and not the product of a sleep deprived and over worked nature, and therefore not admissable as evidence of the temporary insanity known as parenthood....or are they?????

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The Law of Averages

Murphy rules. Not because I agree, but just because he said so!

This is especially true in large families. It doesn’t seem to matter the circumstance, if we want something to go one way, it will go the other. For example:

  • No matter how many times you tell your kids to clean up after themselves, the law of averages (one of Murphy’s many aliases) says that if you are not there to supervise, it won’t get done.

  • Walking into the living room moments after you’ve left it spotless, you will find at least one dirty sock newly stuffed into or under the sofa. This average increases in cooler climates and with the number of children per household. Likewise, you will find it after you have finished doing the laundry.

  • If you plan a special family dinner, one or more teenager will have previously unreported plans for that evening – which they will need transportation to/from.

  • When you are most looking forward to a quiet morning at home, a child with a fever/bellyache/rash/vomiting will crawl into your bed earlier than your usual waking time.

  • Once that child is finally well, another will succumb.

  • The number of unauthorized, injury-free leaps made from the deck is always one fewer than the number of offspring who attempt it.

  • The year your loving spouse voluntarily sets up the pool early (with no nagging from you), it will snow Memorial Day weekend. And rain the rest of the summer.

  • The more you look forward to your head hitting the pillow any given night, the more frequently your sleep will be interrupted by Critters of both the two and four-legged varieties. And if especially sleep-deprived, woodpeckers will find your house to be an irresistible soundbox at the crack of dawn.

  • Critters who can't remember simple instructions for: running the dishwasher/washing machine/dryer/lawn mower, sewing on a button, folding clothes, making Ramen, etc. can nonetheless operate and navigate any and all technology AND tell you exactly how the world should be run. Which is, of course --- without your interference.

  • The number of events crammed into your hectic schedule is proportionately equal to the resistance you'll face in getting everyone out the door on time.

 Spring was wild, and this pretty much sums it up, except...

....even though the last post featured her, I really should elaborate on the last couple of weeks from Sweetie Petite-y's perspective since she and Murphy have bumped heads on more than one occassion. She survived missing her class trip thanks to a wonderful day spent being spoiled by her Godmother. But she almost missed being class speaker at her graduation thanks to bouts of laryngitis and a virus that might have been food poisoning --- till it later made the rounds of Hubby and remaining Critters in milder form. They avoided the projectile vomiting, but then, they had less riding on being healthy. But everything turned out well in the end.

Murphy might rule, but a mother's prayers produce miracles.

And pretty little graduation dresses as well.